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March 21st, 2010
i_care_too_much
 | 05:09 pm - History
Our children will learn about both gay rights and health care in their American History classes and look on things the way we look at suffrage or civil rights... They'll ask us...
"What is there to argue about? Who were these close minded bigots? Why would anyone want to deny anyone else health coverage?"
And it won't make sense to them the way segregation doesn't make sense to us.
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i_care_too_much
| 01:14 pm - Cars and calories
Are people who live in sunny, warm climates happier by principle? I am SO susceptible to the sun.
Cloudy for too long and i'm a mess. Sadness creeps in.
Sun and I'm just better. I feel it in my bones when the weather is nice.
It smells so much like garlic right now. I put too much in my cous cous and the bowl is on the table next to me. I downloaded Saves The Day's "Stay What you are" today becuase I\was reminded they exist by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) grandpas_weiner . God damn. This album was so incredibly important to me.
This album reminds me of the days we would go out for lunch in high school, and when it was too nice out-- we just wouldn't come back to school. We would hop the freeway, with this album blaring, and find our patch of sun to be truant in. We would chain smoke in coffee shops on the East side, we would wander the lake front, we would sit cross legged on sidewalks and draw pictures with sharpies on the cement. We would talk about what was going to happen to us when school was over. One of My friends would shoplift from boutiques and thrift stores. I always bought something becuase I couldn't steal.
I stuck my hand out the window and let it slither through the current of the wind rushing past the car. I wore buttons on my messenger bag and I had fire engine red hair. I lived in hoodies and wore bowling shoes. I always carried a book of cds full of mixes we'd made for each other.
I loved a boy who would never love me the way I wanted him to. I hugged more then.
There was a freedom in 16. A discovery. People to learn from. People to teach. Rules to break with barely a consequence. So much road to travel, even in my own back yard. So many hiding places. So much spraypaint and sharpies for making our mark. Scowls to the old people who shook their head at our weird hair and loud music.
A real feeling of ownership of what was ahead of us.
I feel less like an owner of myself these days-- and more like i'm on loan.
Current Music: Saves the Day - Freakish | Powered by Last.fm
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March 20th, 2010
i_care_too_much
| 12:22 pm
Woke up to snooooow. boo.
Cooking, cooking, cooking, cooking.
Focaccia bread, pot roast, chicken stock.
Watching Lost on Netflix.
Making coconut candybars later.
Not changing ot of PJs today.
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March 16th, 2010
i_care_too_much
| 11:09 am - Meeeeeeeeeee.
The next month or so is going to be self reflection.
I had a bad winter. Worse than most, and I need to get my head back on straight. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I'm making goals for myself that I need to stick to.
1. Take walks. I live 1/2 a mile from Lake Michigan, and I've yet to go for a walk there. Failure city on my part.
2. Do at LEAST 1 artistic thing a week. I'm starting slow since I'm out of practice.
3. Cook as many meals myself as possible. Compile a scrapbook of recipes I want to make. Try new things.
4. Keep my apartment clean. Moping turned me into a slob. I just didn't care. I cleaned for hours on Saturday and it felt great.
5. Write. Write. Write. I want to write a play, but I don't know about what. I would absolutely take suggestions. ESPECIALLY if it's something entirely out of my realm. I like researching-- learning-- making a character, and I haven't in a long time.
6. SAVE MONEY. I am so broke right now, and dear lord. I need to just live under a rock the next month or so AT LEAST just to build a nest-egg back up. I miss the comfort in knowing I had money in the bank. I haven't since after Christmas. It's taking so long just to catch up and i'm still not there.
Someone posted this quote like serendipity today, and it sums up perfectly:
"Cherish your solitude
Take trains by yourself to places you have never been
Sleep out alone under the stars
Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back
Say no when you don’t want to do something
Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees
Decide whether you want to be liked or admired
Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you’re doing here" -Eve Ensler
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March 12th, 2010
i_care_too_much
| 11:30 pm - Nourishment is temporary..
I see photos of cute ladies all dressed up in bright colors and with crazy hair cuts and looking comfortable in their own skin. While I sit at home feeling entirely uncomfortable in my body-- in my choices..
How do you get brave like that? How do you cast off the preconceptions and the judgments and the overwhelming feeling of what you "Should" do...?
I just want to do things I want to do, but I feel invisible seatbelts. Keeping me safe.
Wear what I want to wear. Say what I want to say. Tell the truth loud and clear.
I thought about running away.. Going somewhere i've never been where the world is a little bigger and I don't know anyone with any ideas of me. The longer I live in this city, the more clear it becomes that everyone knows eveyrone else, and it can be dangerous. I've made a lot of mistakes in growing up here... All these mistakes are on record and everyone is a degree or two removed from me.. It's unnerving.
A new start feels like a good idea, and it feels like the wrong move, too.. like it's me being cheap... But ermm... I'm getting bugged by this city.
No one has a brain that meshes with mine. I need a good mindfuck relationship. Someone who wants to go on forever and argue and agree and discuss and learn with me.
I need to make some decisions. Some changes. But I don't know what they are yet. Food, weight, wardrobe, sharpen my tongue a bit..
Cutest thing, EVER:
Current Mood:  contemplative
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